For most of my life I’ve been alone. I’ve always been independent (it says so in my baby book!) so it’s not really a problem for me. Alone does not equal lonely. Well, sometimes it does — but I’ve felt lonely in a crowd, too. My point is, I’m not used to depending on anyone else, or even having anyone else there to help if I should ask. Asking for help is something I rarely consider…

But recently, with my husband working an another state for the past many months, I’ve come to realize how much I depended on him.  He would jokingly say that I just miss his cooking.  But of course it’s much more than that.  It’s companionship, having someone to talk to when I get home from a stressful day at work.  I miss just being able to snuggle on the couch with him, getting a goodbye kiss, etc.

I have struggled with depression for decades, trying many different medications.  Sometimes I would be fine for many months, and I would stop taking the pills.  Eventually, slowly, I would drift back into sadness and ennui.  Then after many months I would reluctantly look for a new counselor, new pills, and start to drag myself up.  Shortly after I met my husband, I was able to get off the antidepressants.  I was “drug free” and doing well.  But since I started school, I’ve been slipping down that slope into darkness again.  And without him here to catch me, I’ve really fallen far in the past few months.  So I finally went to the doctor and got back on the meds.

And, I finally reached out for help.  I asked the women in an online ‘modesty’ group to pray for me.  And I think it is helping!  I do feel better.  I know it will take a long time for me to get fully out of this darkness, but just knowing that someone out there is thinking of me sure helps.

I’ve also been trying to do more things with my friends, instead of being such a hermit all the time.  And they have really been beyond wonderful.  It’s nice to know that they care for me.  Sometimes in the dark pit of depression, it is easy to forget that “I’m a good person and doggone it, people like me!”